8:24 p.m.
Bi-Polar DIarY~
I just found that my dog ate my only black bra!
She has eaten about $600.00 worth of underwear from Victorias secret. What is wrong with her. I wish dad would stop telling me she is just a puppy! Puppies are supposed to be cute. She usually falls short of my expectations. She's supposed to be one of those creatures that loves you unconditionally right?. Well that is what the pound tells you when you go in to adopt any pet....She doesn't do what she is supposed to do most of the time..She annoys, she bites, and she barks at me while I'm writting in my journal.But If I think real hard I realize that most people have fallen short one time or another, so I guess I'll get over it. She only goes for the expensive stuff. Well, maybe it's because I threw out all the generic granny panties?....
I'm not ecstatic, but Lauren always manages to put me in a much better mood . I just got off the phone with her, and I'm going to call her right back. It turns out that she is still working tomorrow, so she won't be going to the STP concert.
I was listening to STP's latest cd and brought the concert up in conversation earlier, while I was on the phone with a more "sensored" Jay.
He didn't believe me that STP was going to be having a free show. I found it hard to believe myself, but C'mon Jay. I did some research before I told you about it. I went to 3 web sites to confirm that the rumor was true. I'm no liar! I told him to tell his brother Ryan about it because as I can recall, he's got great taste in music too.
The concert sounds like a good idea to Jay. He gets off of work around 3, so we could leave as soon as he gets off. He won't be wearing scrubs....Shorts....And He's got a real girlfriend now so he entitled to sensoring himself now. He's probably restricted from saying or doing certain things. Does this mean I will be deprived of his brutal honestY?..That's what happends to guys that get real girlfriends....
I don't think I've ever been a secret to any of my guys' girls'. I used to have a whole slew of guys, but most of them broke off to settle down with real girlfriends. Some just stopped talking to me when they realized I wasn't going to sleep with them. Most of them are domesticated now...But if Jay is going to introduce me to his girlfriends as, "Hey, this is Kelly! My prom date from senior year." Most girls are going to be a bit hesitant to trust me.
C'mon, guys have subtle labels that come along with going to prom. Silly expectations. The most popular one being,
"FREE ASS!! ONE NIGHT ONLY!!!"
(It's usually flashing in big bright neon letters)
Not on my prom night....I never saw action on my prom night. Probably by choice. The whole peer pressure thing doesn't faze me much. I also went to two proms completely sober....
Not to change the subject, but tonight I got an email from another guy that I had invited to the concert. He says that he's interested, he left his number, told me to call, and then .....He didn't answer the phone....
I just caught myself looking in the mirror while on the phone with Lauren. She is guilt struck over and incident that happend last weekend. She is so strong. I myself, think that she's a great mother. I've always looked up to her. More than a friend, but even her motherly advice. Since 7th grade she has been one of the best persons' to go to for advice. I feel like she almost understands me after all these years. I could talk to her about anything. She even listens when she's heard a stupid story for the millionth time. She still laughs at my jokes, and my daffy personality. She has stuck by me through everything, and I wish I could tell her how greatful I am.
Even though were done speaking on the phone, she sent this word of the day to me...this is great
"manque- mahn-KAY * adjective
short of or frustrated in the fulfillment of ones
aspirations or talents- used postpositively.
Thank you for subscribing to Lauren's word of the day.....LOL."
I'm still looking in the mirror. Falling short of somoene's expectations.... I notice that I have the same hollow eyes that I had in all the pictures from my 21st birthday at Insomnia.
I went through the photo album with all those pics the other night while Heidi was here. She wanted to see the face of the guy who got up and sang, "Kelly I'm AFRAID of you!!" I have a feeling I know where these familiar eyes came from. No sleep!. Or bad circulation.
I finally told my mom about the incident on the beach the other day. When I felt like I was dying. She said that I may just have a heart murmur, and there's really not much you can do about it. She said it's important to get it diagnosed, so I may make another doctors appt. in a few days if I don't start to feel better. My left arm is still a bit numb and my chest is all tight, still have the cold sweats off and on...
My face seems to change shape a bit if I stare too long. Certain features just stick out more than others..My high cheek bones and hollow eyes... It's pretty scarry.
I don't ever want a guy to gaze into my eyes again. If a man tells me he loves my eyes, I will know he is lying.... This is not attractive. Maybe I'm hallucinating?.....
maybe I just need to get some restful sleep?
Come sand man......take me to dream land, and give me lots of lucid dreams.....dreams of someone who doesn't fall short of anyone's expectations....
