2:19 a.m.
Favorable Diary~
I spent a some of the day reading some of my archived poetry. This is one that I wrote one day as soon as I got off of work at the dental office.
I recieved so many superficial compliments after I changed my hair color. It made me question the validity of what other peole saw in me. My personality didn't change people, just my f*ckin hair color! I am a nice person on most days, especially when I am required to be. Wouldn't you be happy if you were being paid good money to pretend to be happy all the time? It works.... These people probably still talk a lot of sh*t behind my back, but it never bothered me. I'm not spending my spare time tearing someone down, to make myself feel better. Rather than conform to what they want me to be, I'm just fine living my life in spite for now
People say I�m �crazy�
Maybe a hint of �insane�
�Sloppy, goofy, and lazy�
And full of surreal happiness and pain
People say I�m giddy
Smiling all the way
Teeny, tiny, iddy biddy
I always have something positive to say
Sympathetic
Till you tell me lies
Somewhat a lunatic
Sometimes a little shy
Entertainer of the crowd
When I�m the center of your attention
Laughing silly and loud
Causing insecure girls to feel tension
Not willing to compete
When it comes to superficial games
Letting some chapters go incomplete
As I refuse to move on and change
They say I�m out there
Marching to my own beat
Apparently without a care
With perfectly symmetrical feet
Pretty eyes
And crooked teeth
But the appearance that passes them by
Is what cuts so far beneath
Blame it on eating paint chips
Say mom dropped me on my head
Once I lost realities grip
After thinking of what other people said
At least I wont end up like you
Picking out my every single flaw
Not doing the things you want me to do
Making and breaking my own laws
People saying they need to drink
To escape stress from the lives they live
Too confused to sit still and just think
Afraid to go out and selflessly give
Inviting compliments for themselves
Cheating their way to the top
Always picturing the face of someone else
Until they find the courage to stop
Climbing onto someone else
To catch a glimpse of happiness
So lost in the past moment when they felt
Temporary superficial success
Shutting the door to their own moaning
Locking out what threatens to tare them down
Desolate rumbles and groaning
Covers any happiness they�ve found
So now they turn to me
To ask for my advice
To ask me for sympathy
Once condemning me for my own vice
Finding happiness in my pain
Growing stronger only when I�m gone
Confronting these four corners that once drove me insane
Long after I get up to move on
Slow motion captures each and every gaze
Setting them aside themselves
Now ready to turn the page
And live the life of someone else
They take my own labels
And pin them on their chest
Ready, willing and able
To sink below the rest
Living the life of �the crazy�
The life of �the insane�
Becoming crippled and lazy
Living in my shell of spite that still remains
Kelly Timm
