3:46 p.m.
Silent Diary~
~SILENCE~
Do you hear it? Nothing��
But I can still feel it.
My pulse quickening and stifling
The chill of the cold Black Death piercing my veins,and heading towards my heart again, but it�s not going to keep me from heading to the beach....
I get out of the car and walked to my favorite hot dog stand where I am always entitled to a free lunch just for showing up. I walk up the steps and Garry says, �Hey, Kell, no job yet?� Then the chubby guy asked if I wanted my usual. I reply, �Of coarse��.He asks what I�m listening to in the walkman today and I told him all about it. Pete Yorn! He rocks. The whole cd is great!
Then I�m on my way to walk the beach.
I started to feel a sharp pain in my chest, and then felt very light headed. I dropped my coke, and had to sit down for a min. I could feel a sharp cold pain run up my arm and into my chest. The feeling was so tight I was gasping for air, I laid on my side and heard someone trying to ask me questions. He said, " her face is pasty white, and her lips seem to be turning blue, she's soaking wet!" All I kept thinking to myself was, �Is this it? Is this what heartburn feels like? I only ate a hot dog!�.
I remember feeling this way so many times in the past, but there was one time this summer. I was sitting in Katy's living room with her and Meghan, hoping that no one noticed. Thinking, "This is embarrasing!I feel like shit!". I remember only feeling slight-relief when I lifted my left arm above my head.
I started to sweat profusely once again and tears welled up in my eyes from the pain. I lifted my left arm above my head and ignored everything around me, �concentrate!!� I took the only shallow breaths that my body would allow me. My head and chest started throbbing. �Why does this keep happening to me?�
I laid there for I don�t know how long�
I got up and started walking like nothing had happened and I went to sit down on my chair. I saw a familiar face walking in my direction. My pulse quickened and my stomach turned, but I wasn�t feeling the same pain in my stomach, as I was about 20 min. ago.
He walked up to me and said, �You must be married.� I interrupted him and quickly said, �no.�
(The only proposal I could recall even considering to make, was a proposal to Shawn Beauville to play a private concert for me in my house if I ever win the lottery.)
he continued, �I see you out here all the time. You never notice me, you just walk right by. Don�t you have a job?�
I noticed he was in his mid to late 30�s but he resembled someone who went to high school with me.
His conversation lagged a bit between each phrase but he continued talking,
�I�m out here because I�m out of work for one month, because a brick hit me in the head and I had brain surgery�.
His conversation still lagged more and more between each phrase but he continued....on and on.....
�woah!,� I said, �I�m off of work to take care of my dad for a while. My dad just had brain surgery too, for a brain aneurysm in the main artery of his brain. He�s almost back to normal; the only difference is a slight loss of short term. Memory.�
He replied, �My name is Mathew, and I figured it was only right to introduce myself since I see you out here all the time. You are lucky that your dad made it through the surgery so well. I�m going back to work soon myself, but If you want to catch lunch with me sometime I�ll be down here. Nice to meet ya, ��Good luck with your dad..��..And as fast as he came he was gone.
I got to thinking about how lucky I really am. It�s nice to have dad around all the time now.
I got up to walk and listen to some more Peter Yorn. As I was walking I noticed a guy on the pier with a tripod taking pictures of things in my direction. I looked around and realized I was the only one there. Just then, I wanted to rip my clothes off and run around naked to give him something to stare at. I was kinda pissed. I mean, part of me wonders how many tourist pictures I have ended up in. Somewhere in the background, HEY THERE�S KELLY! This guy was blatantly taking my picture.!!
PERV!
Hey, today's beach tip was better. I thought about how, at least I didn't lie to anyone today, telling them that I was dating someone that I'm not.
I can handle being single, just telling people, "Hey, not interested", I'm workin on it...
As for the chest pains, I'm thinking a nap sounds pretty comforting right now.
