4:22 p.m.
Hello miss Diary-
Today was the perfect beach day, so why sit at home? I cruzed to the beach and had another surreal day. I'm so glad I'm writting this down.
Well today started off with a guy with a staring problem. He kept staring so I got up and walked to a resteraunt for some lunch. Then the guy finally approached me when I was walkin on the beach. He basicly told me his life story in all of the 10 min. that we walked together, until he asked if I had a boyfriend. Of coarse I lied! I don't know why I couldn't just say, "hey not interested".
I ended up telling this guy that I have been with the same guy for 2 and 1/2 years. He asked if the guy I'm with is "the one", and of coarse, I lied again! I said yes! and me and the strange man parted ways . I met other strange men, and saw a guy laying on the beach with a red speedo. Mr. speedo was sleeping on his back in a puddle of water and he had some major wood!
I made it back to my towel and As I was sitting there alone I realized how alone I have really been. I can't say that I have had a strong relationship that has ever lasted over 2 years. I usually back out as soon as I feel things are getting serious. I spent some time thinking about all the guys that I used to spend a lot of time thinking about. The guys that seemed harder to get over, because I actually put some thought into how I would have spent my life with them if they would have asked. Then again, most of the guys I would have said yes to also had things about them that I wished were very different. The most common link they shared was drugs or Alcohol. I came up with some names of guys that I thouht I loved. It was never anyone who just stopped calling out of the blue, it was those guys that I broke up with. The list is short.
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Let's see, there was first Keith. Major, natural hottie. He was into soccer and had the perfect body. I looked up to him and I had a huge crush on him before he even asked me out. I would day dream about him in class, and we would exchange notes when we couldn't see each other. From the moment I met him I pictured myself going to my Senior Prom with him. I kept his letters that he wrote me, and they were the only love letters I had. I dated him as a freshman in high school. He was the first guy that made the world stand still when I kissed him. I hated kissing, I despised and avoided kissing until he kissed me. There was something so powerful in his kiss it gave me goose bumps. I kissed him years later and the spark was still in the kiss but I didn't fit into his party crowd very well, and I felt like a joke because I had one night in the past with his best friend that no one will ever forget.
MOving on, I met a guy named Vinny. FInally! I met VInny after crushing over him forever. I had a crush on him since elementary school. He had a perfect smile and he was sooo charming. He never believed that I thought he was a hottie for so long. Me and him didn't speak durring high school. After I graduated we dated for a long time, off and on again. He would get jeallous when I would spend too much time with his dog Alley. She was the coolest lab. retriever. I couldn't resist. I actually pictured marrying the guy and living in a cabin in the mountains or something. I would day dream about how perfect things COULD be. It was hard breaking things off with him each time over something someone else had said, or some viscious rumor. He worked the door at a booby bar and his own friends didn't even trust him. Since then, I have vowed not to bring other friends into my relationships. My business is mine. He ended up drinking too much after he turned 21 and I lost interest a few times because I didn't feel important.
Then there was Richy. What can I say about him. He was hot! The only guy I met at a club and dated. I don't go to clubs to meet guys. He would pick me up on Sundays, and we started off just being great friends. Sunday was a family day for him and he always wanted me there. Then he went to Disney for his parents anniversary and he returned with a huge MINI mouse doll for me and put it lightly by saying, "hey, I'm not dating anyone, and you're not dating anyone, so we should get together forever". We spent a lot of time together after that. His family was closer to me than my family. He was very close with his family.
Hmmmm. There are plenty of other guys in between, that meant so much but I find myself now thinking of Nicki. I admired him so much. I met his sister long before we dated. I still think that his sister is by far one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. She's an amazing person. She is probably married to Travis by now. I met Nicki at his sisters house warming party. He moved in with her and we hit it off right away. We would go out to dinner and movies. He was a guy I could bring to the club all the time and not worry he was lookin for someone new. I started to feel like I could tell him anything. Like I would to a best friend. Well Nicky, he seemed to fall hard and fast but I felt like it was just a game to him. Every time I would talk to our mutual friend James, he would act sarcastic when he asked about Nicky. Like I was a joke. I couldn't take things seriousely because I knew that he was friends with James, (James is the guy I had dated for the previos 7 months before we met.) Well one night when James was acting all sarcastic, I told him that Nicky didn't mean so much to me. I figured that lying to James about how I felt would get him to stop rubbing it all in. I didn't want to feel like a joke. James taped our conversation and played it for Nicky after he did some editing to make me sound like a real BITCH! Nicky, of coarse was hurt by the taped phone call and gave up on me....
James was another guy who felt like family to me, and treated me very well, but others told me he cheated on me.
All in all, I still think about x boyfriends. I'm friends with most of them and yet, I won't be putting my heart on my sleeve any time soon, because when I do, I have a chance of becomming the "joke."
