2:52 p.m.
Hey diary-
I just woke up again, for the 2nd time today. I didn't get much sleep last night. I woke up this morning and read emails and filled out a quick quiz. In fact most of my sleep last night was cluttered with nightmares. I still can't get the one nightmare out of my head. It went a little something like this.
I had a dream I went to see Katy in Ohio because she was really sick. On my way driving up I won tickets to some show in toledo and I told john I would take him. I drove up to see Katy with JBV. THen I got there and she was fine. The drive seemed to take more than 17 hours. I got there and Katy was at a party. She got pissed and stormed out when some fuck head made a stupid comment to her about her attitude or something. It pissed me off too. I walked out after her, and I went out to find her, I was totally lost on all these streets and Finally I heard John laughing so i followed the laughter up to his old house. There were a bunch of people sitting around drinking looking at me like i was from another planet. They laughed a lot when I kept asking where Katy had gone. I asked if she had come back and they said she went home to sleep. I had no clue how to get home. I tried to call her on my cell and she wouldn't answer. Then I tried to find JOhn to have him tell me where I was going. I was so frustrated because I drove all that way to make sure Katy was ok, and she kept leaving. So I went outside to try to find my car and it wasn't where I had left it. Katy didn't take it. WHere the heck was it? I walked around looking for it and got lost again. I was so pissed. I got back to the house and found John he was drunk and had no clue. THen this other stupid guy came up to me and offered to take me to my car. It was the same stupid fuck that had pissed off my sister earlier that night. I remember seeing him on my trip to Ft. Lauderdale. He drove me up to this tiny car that looked like a clown car. I said this isn't my car. He laughed and said "that IS your car now!!" as a joke they went and traded it in. I was so pissed. I kept saying where's my damn car. I started spouting off at the mouth that I was going to call some guy nikki and al, and i told them that everything that they had seen in the gorriest mob movie ever, wouldn't compare to what was going to happen to them. I didn't think it was funny when my car was missing.
That jerk acted like what i was saying didn't scare him, so when i got back to the party house I wanted to slash all the tires and screw up all the paint of every single car because everyone knew tht the joke was on me. John knew about the joke and said that i couldn't get my car back. Instead of calling the ganster guys, (that don't exist), i called the cops and when they showed up the party was broken up. Most of the people at the party were appologizing and crying but when I woke up, I was still pissed....
I have slept twice since that stupid dream, and I can't get it out of my head. I'm not so pissed. Just bored now.
Now that it's all over I'm wondering what I feel like doing with the rest of my day. I should go up to Carabas' for an interview, but I'm saving that one until Tuesday. I still need to fill out all of my applications I picked up yesterday. Today is Thursday, and I'm wondering when this constant need to sleep will end. I've been this way ever since I got back from Colorado.
It all started with the last night of my vacation, where I didn't sleep a wink, and since, I could be sleeping 20 hours and still not want to get out of bed. It's not that I'm thinking about that hottie Ben anymore, but I do think about the fun times I had in Colorado. I think about how much I want to travel and how I wish I could win the lottery. I spend too much time durring the day, just day dreaming about the things I'd like to do if I had the money. I need to get off my butt and go get a job!!
My dad seems to be having a good day today. Mom took him to get a cat scan to try to measure his progress from the surgery 2 months ago.
I wonder if Brian has left town yet? If life is all about fate and destiny, what the hell was he brought into my life for? Really? It's not like we have good conversation. He's all about making out. Not that I mind, because the whole time he's talking it sounds like, blah, blah, blah, and I just want him to shut up so I can kiss him already.
When I haven't spent my nights with Brian, I'm with JBV watching movies. Sometimes I see Heidi, and we grab a bite to eat, Or I would go chill with Al.
Durring the day, sometimes I hit the beach or spend some more time writting online.
I actually met a guy online a few weeks back. He's alright, but honestly I've met more people in the past few months than I can keep up with, and I don't think that meeting guys online is going to get me anywhere. I don't need small talk and I'm straight up honest when I say I'm not playing games, and I'm not going to sleep with anyone any time soon. I've got all these people to keep up with and just the other day a friend asked me why any guys would keep in touch with me if he didn't truely just want a piece of ass. Because when guys look at me they think sex? Well that comment pissed me off cause it wasn't the first time I had heard it, and the last time I heard it I let Dave have an ear full and I haven't spoken to him since.
I've got pretty much everything I need right here....I don't need sex!
So why do some things still feel so empty?
