9:29 P.M.
This whole week has gone to shit. I feel so crappy right now that I don’t even want to go into work tomorrow... I feel like I could literally barf from all the stress built up inside.
This week started off with a reminder that I needed to turn in my “goal sheet” to my team leader by the end of this week. I wish I knew more about the overall struggles that the company faced so I could help more. I met and exceeded the goals I set last year, but felt like I got the shaft because my boss was more focused on the fact I had to miss time to have an emergency appendectomy than what I had really accomplished. It made me feel like shit to read my review on the sole suggestion they left in the comment section of my review worksheet.
This quarter, I have a lot of goals but don’t know for sure if they pertain to my particular job title. I asked my boss to point me in the right direction, hoping to get some feedback and he told me the sky is the limit and he’d like to see me take some more initiative.
I just wish I could focus on one area of improvement, even if it doesn’t have much to do with my current job. There are days I hear, or see things that I want to improve. Some days I see people I work with doing something the hard way and I want to teach them to work smart, NOT hard. I don’t think about it, I just do it and I never list it on a goal sheet to track my progress.
I want to evolve with the company but wish I knew more about it’s forecasted path.
I feel like the last year was chalked full with initiative and it all went unnoticed and unappreciated. I listen to my coworkers talk about how they didn’t meet their goals and it made me feel like an idiot for even trying.
I seriously want to contribute as much as I can to this company. My boss has done so much for me and the people I work with are like family to me. Even the agents are something amazing!
In addition to hammering through these goals I’ve had a hard time keeping a clear head.
Kitty is ignoring me, after I took him out for a birthday dinner and gave him a new fabulous shirt. He is great at putting together business proposals, and had promised to help me improve my goal sheet, but now he’s NO where to be found. He knows what kind of time frame I’m working with… he just doesn’t care.
It seems that if I’m not answering a booty call, feeding him, or giving him a gift, or a favor, he could care less about me.
I’m also feeling up in arms about a friends’ health. I just found out one of my best friends has cancer again and has to start radiation immediately. She’s been through this a number of times and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on her. She’s a real trooper, and such a huge inspiration to me on days where I seem to struggle.
I also have my own health issues to contend with. I had another scan today and the doctor said there has been no improvement.
I had a HUGE fight with my mom tonight and missed Grey’s Anatomy. I was however relieved when Troy told me I wasn’t missing anything because it was just a rerun.
I got my costume fixed yet I have no where to wear it now.
Tomorrow night is this great Halloween party, and I have a dozen costumes to donate to a friend but no one will commit to the challenge of dressing up and hitting the party with me.
It’s starting to look more and more likely that I will be spending my weekend watching reruns of Sex And The City With Brinky-Brink…
I feel like I have a storm cloud looming over my head and I just want to curl up and cry right now.
ACK! I Need to pull through this!! October is supposed to be my FAVORITE month of the year because I love dressing up for Halloween.
