9:51 P.M.
My mind drew a complete blank as I drove in circles through the city trying to remember where the doctor’s office was. It was as if temporarily I was suffering from a MAJOR case of ADD. One moment I was thinking, “Where the hell is this doctors office”, and then the next I thought, “I don’t want to do this. I can’t handle another surgery this soon.”
In a panic, I called Kitty to ask him how to get out of the maze I had driven myself into but he wasn’t answering. I racked my brain wondering who could have been sitting in front of a computer to help me navigate my way out of the mess I was in and NO ONE was answering their phones as I called.
Just by happenstance I stumbled across the exact street I had been searching for and suddenly I remembered where the office was. As I pulled into the parking lot Kitty called to offer to help. It was too late, but I thanked him anyway and headed in for my appointment.
I surprisingly spent very little time waiting for the doctor. She came right in to see me and after she asked how I was feeling she immediately began chastising me for missing the surgery they had scheduled for me a month and a half ago. “There is a surgeon, a hospital bed and an anesthesiologist who were all expecting you. I HELD that appointment for you in good faith, hoping you would do the right thing. We’ve been over this. You’ve had your 2nd and 3rd opinions. You may not agree with the coarse of action here, but if you don’t take care of this the way you CAN take care of this, your quality of life will soon begin to decline.”
I couldn’t say a word in response to her lecture and she could tell I was uncomfortable. Then she asked with a half frown on her face, “Is that something you are okay with?”
I thought back to the conversation I had earlier with Yvette at Wendy’s about my appendectomy and how everything has slowly gone down hill for me since I had that surgery.
As I sat there in the office my eyes welled up in tears.
I wondered how I was going to tell my job, and my family that I’ll have to have another surgery that may turn my life upside down.
I thought about how Yvette had been there with me by my side before my last surgery and she hardly knew me. I thought about how lucky I was to have my closest friends come to visit.
I remembered how Kitty took such good care of me through it all and sadness quickly washed over me.
The harsh reality sunk in. I thought, “there is no one there to take care of me in a way where I can still feel at home like he did.”
The doctor performed the ultrasound and made a hmm kind of sound as if she saw something she recognized in my scan results.
“Well Kelly. We’ll see you in two weeks for the next step. Do you have any questions?”
I stopped crying and she said, “I’ll see you at the check out counter after you’ve gathered your things together.”
I spent about 5 minutes in the room alone, gathering my things together. A comment Yvette made earlier stuck out in my mind. She said, “There was something there. I saw it in his eyes when I was in the room when the doctor told you they were going to take you into surgery. He was scared, and he genuinely appeared to care for you. He had a look on his face that said, don’t worry Kell, I will take care of you.”
Tears started to stream down my face again.
So much has changed since January and I don’t think for a minute that my new guy would take the time and attention to take care of me if I were not feeling up to par. It made me realize that I haven’t found THE ONE.
Maybe I AM better off alone?
It also made me think about how much time I spend sleeping.
I’d better start living each moment like it’s my last …
I went home, picked up Brink and called the first person I’m so used to calling when my mind is a mess. He answered and I said, “Hey! Tell me something GOOD! I need to hear something good.” He rambled on and on about work things but I was happy to talk about ANYTHING that would get my mind off of my current dilemma.
What I wouldn't give to have the comfort of someone who completes me...
