7:33 P.M.
Last night I met up with the girls for a typical, ‘girls night out’. We had a blast. It’s been a long time!
I got a phone call from a good friend today and she said she’ll be flying into town the middle of next month. I’m excited to see her, even with her sometimes-antagonistic attitude.
She loves to hear my date stories gone horribly wrong, and she cracked me up when she said,
“You burp and guys think it’s cute, you puke and guys line up to hold your hair back”.
As the words left her lips with hostility, I swore I recognized that statement from a movie somewhere so I replied, “On that note, I’m going to let you go. Hope you have a great night and we’ll talk again soon.”
She doesn’t agree with my hesitation to let myself become attached.
I admit, I still have my trepidations when it comes to dating but the more practice I get the more mundane it’s become.
Tonight I should be meeting up with a guy for dinner, but after a long day I just don’t feel like freshening up again for the 4th time! I’d much rather throw on a pair of scrubs and curl up in front of the tube and watch a movie ALONE until I fall asleep.
I had the best time hanging out with ‘mister cat’ today. I don’t think I could have asked for anything more. I just love it when he’s in a good mood. I only wish I could lift his spirits more often. God knows I still care for him, but only he knows why because no matter how hard I try to tell him, Cat Man just isn't hearin it! I just hate having feelings that lead to, shoulda, coulda, woulda situations, where words are left unspoken. I've said my piece, so I move on.
Sometimes I still have this unexplainable need to fix him or resolve his issues. I still question how much has changed since I first met him.
He’s going out with the guys tonight, and I should probably be doing something along the same lines with the girls but I had previously made a date with some new random guy.
I honestly don’t know where this sudden popularity came on and there is still a part of me that feels I’m in WAY over my head.
Some close friends actually worry about me meeting so many new people and trying to juggle them all and continue to try to live a somewhat ordinary life.
Next week Brian comes back from Korea and he’s sent me a plane ticket to fly up to see him in Destin Beach for the weekend. What am I supposed to do? He’s already spent the money and sent the ticket.
A few months ago he called to tell me he was going to be home for a few weeks on leave. As soon as he told me he was coming home, he was so quick to ask if I was still seriously dating anyone.
Well, his question immediately followed a conversation I had with the cat man where he told me “There was no way we would ever get back together”. So, I convinced myself I was happily single long enough to share the news with Brian.
I’m not sure where he expects this trip will set us? I’m only going to see him for a day and a half and he says there’s a lot for us to talk about.
His recent letters have left me somewhat nervous about the situation at hand, because he keeps saying how I’ve become this great woman he would like to spend the rest of his life with.
I have to admit that part of me would love nothing more than being able to go to bed and cuddle with the same person every night of the week. Sometimes I miss having a steady romance.
In reality…. My romance is still so spontaneous and unpredictable.
The week following next, mister “Chicago Romance” has said he’s coming to visit for about a week. I’m not sure how to react at this point because the thrill I had on my brief trip with him is pretty much long gone.
I know it’s wrong… but I’d rather not think about it or address it.
I should just get off the couch and get out of the house for a while. If I’m out dancing, I’m not thinking about silly situations that I’ve lost control of. Or worse, I’d rather not think about how my own insecurities have managed to bring on this whole disaster.
Who am I kidding....I'm not sure I'm ready to seriousely date anyone new....
