10:16 P.M.
I had to take my pain meds again last night, and it was the first time in over a week. I probably kept the whole house awake moaning in my sleep. I wake myself up, and feel more and more uncomfortable and embarrassed.
Even after taking the medication, I didn�t sleep much. I�m not sure I even slept at all. I�m starting to feel kind of silly for believing this stuff will just �work itself out�.
The chance was slim to none, so I guess it was stupid to secretly hope for a miracle.
I�m so exhausted that I can�t complete my own thoughts. I�m stressed and pushing to keep a happy face through it all. How do other people do it?
I have so much on my mind and no one to talk to. I feel stressed, and stupid for being stressed at the same time.
I was briefly comforted by some medical advice that my aunt had given me, but she�s long gone now. I have a biopsy scheduled for Thursday morning followed by another appointment with a specialist. I�m such a wimp and for the first time since being a kid, I find myself wishing I had support or someone there to hold my hand.
I wish I had Pete� or Amy� Or Lauren, �I wish I had Troy� Just someone who has been there when the chips were down.
Kitty is far too stressed with his own life. We get along when we�re together and I�ll take that for what I can get.
I think I�d rather just stay in bed another hour or two rather than sit there while another doctor cuts out a piece of me to study under a microscope.
I�m so freaking stressed right now and can�t even name a single thing that has got me wrapped up so tight. It�s not work. Work has been going okay. I�ve kept busy and the days seem to pass by like nothing at all. The family is doing okay but I�m still a little worried about dad. He went in for low blood pressure after having his blood pressure medication readjusted last week.
I spent some time with him over the weekend after I went to the beach and he seemed really out of it.
Oh� and yeah. I finally made it to the beach last weekend. It was so beautiful out! I am so lucky to live in a place where I can visit a beach on the weekend!
I also went out to eat my first hot dog since the surgery. I didn�t feel so great after the much-anticipated meal, but I guess old habits die-hard. I�ll wait another few weeks before I tackle my first piece of pizza.
It�s been about a month now since the surgery and I still haven�t made it back to the gym. I�m hoping to get back in there some time next week.
I just have so much coming up that it�s hard to dedicate time to a gym routine.
I�m taking a few computer classes this week and I�m taking courses to get my insurance license next week. Following my insurance class, I�ll need to take my test. I�ve heard the test is a real BEAR!
With so much on my plate, this month should just fly by.
Then�. It�s time to start packing my things and find another place to live. The lease is almost up and I have a lot of stuff to move.
I�ve moved a few times now but I feel like I�m starting over again�
I�m hoping to find a place where I can settle into, where I won�t have to move again in a year. I�m getting tired of packing and unpacking my things. I don�t feel like I�ve had the chance to settle into this place. A lot of my personal things are still packed away in boxes.
God�
Give me strength to get through these next few weeks!
