10:28 A.M.
Royale�s birthday is today and we�re taking her out to eat at Arrigato. She had a great time when we went out for my birthday and said that she wants to do the same thing all over again.
She seems a little more stressed about getting older than I did just a few weeks ago. She is still so young.
Who�s to say that getting older should be a smooth transition?
I�ve found that for the past few years that it has come smoothly to me ONLY because of the crises that appear in the heat of the moment.
In that very moment that I should be focused on getting another year older, there is always some distant orphan thought or worry in the back of my mind.
This year I had gone out to Arrigato to celebrate my birthday with a close circle of friends. We sat there at the hibachi grill eating dinner watching the chef acrobat our food onto our plates with such amazement. The entire time I was eating I was worried and wondering, �How are my parents going to afford my dinner tonight. They said they wanted to pay for dinner but just an hour ago, mom mentioned that she couldn�t even pay her mortgage. Kitty mentioned that he wanted to buy dinner but he has already done so much for me and I know for certain he is probably broke and had to borrow money from his friends to buy me a gift at the last minute.�
I�m not saying I don�t enjoy birthday parties. They should be fun, but it does seem like my mind is usually somewhere else.
It�s as if my brain says, �TODAY IS SPECIAL. WE HAVE BEEN TOLD TO RELAX AND DO NOTHING, NOW LET�S STRESS ABOUT SOMETHING!!�
Come to think of it, it�s not just birthday parties that fall into a mix of other chaos. I have had anxiety while on trips. I worry about things that I have no control over and then can�t relax enough to have fun.
While I was in Chicago last, I remember worrying about catching a flight back home because of the storms that littered the Florida coastline.
I�m scheduled to go to London in the beginning of May and I hope and pray I can relax enough to enjoy myself.
I have been up since 7:30 this morning and I have done NOTHING with my free time but relax.
As I sit here babysitting, I start to rattle off a list in my head of things that I should be getting done to prepare for my big move after I return from Europe.
This weekend will be like all of the rest. I have things to get done but I feel overwhelmed and I spend my time relaxing instead.
Today is a NORMAL Saturday and I will accomplish nothing.....
but I'll think about the things I could be getting done.
