8:43 P.M.
A wise man once said, �It�s not a party if it happens every night.�
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It all started about 6 years ago when my grandfather passed.
I was desperate for a glimpse of happiness and found it in the joyful expressions of my friend's.
I started planning in July and prepared up until the last 5 minutes in December before the party was scheduled to start.
I thought that surrounding myself with all of my nearest and dearest would help me to forget that I had lost the one thing that meant the most to me during the holiday season.
It was as if I felt that if I could distract myself from my own misery, I could create new great memories to replace the childhood ones I kept close to my heart.
This is the first year in 6 that I haven�t even fathomed plans for a holiday party.
I�ve been so stressed out at work that I haven�t had time to think about Christmas.
Next week is thanksgiving and I usually have all of my ducks in a row by now.
I haven�t even started buying gifts for my friends.
The party built up every year from 98� on and this last year I even went as far as to post a website about the huge event.
Things have slowly started to fizzle out.....
Maybe the Christmas party is becoming a burden to those who annually attend?
Maybe it�s more of a chore than a pleasure?
I remember back when I was a kid. I wanted to plan parties all the time because my friends seemed to be happier at parties. I would try so hard to get everyone together and the more they got together, the less they appreciated the effort it took to get them all in one place at the same time.
Normally friends show an interest in getting together for the holidays but this year everyone seems to be going off on their own way.
Without the ties of a planned shindig, I would love to travel but I think it�s my grandma�s last holiday.
She�s doing better since the surgery but she keeps making grim references about death and saying that she is anxious to meet up with my grandpa in the cemetery.
Which leads me to another question.
What am I going to do when she�s not here any more?
She is a huge part of my need to be home for the holidays.
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The holiday should mean a lot more...... My grandfather was right when he said,
�It�s not a party if it happens every night.�
