7:42 P.M.
So Halloween is coming up this weekend.
Normally THIS is the holiday that I love to get out and do something for.
I love dressing up in costumes.
This time, I'm not too sure what the weekend holds in store.
Part of me knows that I won't make it out.
The weekend will probably end up panning out like the past few.
I wake up totally intending to go out to a club, ready to party at night.
Come 3 o'clock I'm ready to hit the sack again.
I can't wait to get this stupid gallbladder out!
Even when I do make it to the club, I just don't have a good time at all.
I feel so uncomfortable that I can't even dance. Why go to a club if you're not going to dance.
I'm a little old to be going out to look at the eye candy.
Besides, I'd never take a guy in a club serious.
Honestly, most of all, I miss hanging out with my friends. It's not like I'm doing much of anything lately, so why do I feel like I'm always rushing around?
Maybe it's because everything suddenly seems so far away.
I haven't been sleeping at all.
I think I'm going on 4 days with no rest? I can't even think straight to try to calculate at this point.
Grandma has her surgery tomorrow first thing in the morning.
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In Other news, moms' birthday was today.
Mom, dad, grandma and I all went out to dinner tonight to celebrate moms' birthday.
We ended up going to a generic Arrigato Japanese Steak House type place.
It was NOTHING like Arrigato though.
I accidentally ordered *The Open-ass, and a stale fart combo.*
It was disguised as �Shrimp and steak�. If I would have known I was ordering open ass, I would have cooked dinner myself.
I could have gone without the bellowing smoke in my face too.
Every time the chef sliced, or diced his ingedients, the smoke from the grill drifted off into the direction of my face.
Time seemed to stand still in a funny way, as I paid close attention to my grandmother eating her dinner.
Every time I doubted she was happy, I said something funny.
I tried to cheer her up the best I could, and it seemed to work for a short while.
Then out of the blue things quickly changed.
Grandma started making depressing references saying things like, "You can have my left overs if I'm not around to eat them."
Then she said, "You guys better take good care of my dog when I'm gone."
I told her not to worry about it because she will be here much longer than the silly dog.
I could see the tears in her eyes and I know that she's scared.
After dinner they all pilled into the car to go pick up my crazy aunt who is flying into town to do whatever it is she normally does.
I said goodbye to grandma and gave her a hug. I didn't want to let go. My eyes started to tear so I rushed to my car after we said our goodbyes.
I couldn't help but think, "Don't say goodbye. Say good luck."
But I couldn't.
I tried to be strong.
I wish I could calm my nerves.
I'm a wreck.
I should probably call a friend to talk, but I'm too exhausted to talk at this point.
Now all I can do is hurry up and wait.
