5:58 P.M.
Ben called again tonight.
He seems to be just as excited as Amy and I have been lately.
He says to bring a jacket. The weather has already started to get cold out there.
The anticipation builds inside and I feel like I could burst at any moment.
Inside I feel butterflies in my tummy, yet my eyes are shadowed with so much darkness.
I've felt like shit for the past few days.
I think I might even be getting sick but my attitude won't let it happen.
I NEED to get to Chicago.
I NEED to see and try new things.
I've been living in the shadows of someone else for so long.
Now that I've found out I had skin cancer my activities have been somewhat restricted to the mundane and boring.
My body craves the very same thing that is killing me.
Without sunshine I feel so empty. It's something I can't explain.
Part of me would like to pick up and move someplace that doesn't revolve so much around sunny weather.
Maybe if the sun were not shinning outside my bedroom window every day I wouldn't feel so damn tempted to go to the beach.
I have grown up on the beach...
The temptation to go to the beach only drives me deeper and deeper into a depressed state.
I should be used to it by now....
Wanting what I cannot have.
